Becoming the Mom I Want to Be

There are many, many, many days where I feel like I am failing at this mom thing. There are times, in between the school drop offs, the trips to the grocery store, and tucking the boys in at night that I wonder what my purpose is in all this. I have given up on being the quote unquote “perfect” mom. That’s a pretty self-deating thing to try to be.

But what about becoming the mom I want to be. Instead of trying to be the mom that I think I should be, I need to just be, well, me.

How do I do that?

becoming the mom i want to be

1. Do What You Need to Do. We can’t sneeze without thinking someone is going to judge us for our decisions. Put your kids in front of the TV so you can take a 10 minute shower and you feel like you are risking a first class shaming. There’s no shame in my game. I do what I need to do so I can save my own sanity. Sometimes I just need a few minutes (alone) to become a better mom after a little recovery time.

2. Exercise When and How You Can. This is something that I need to push harder. Just because I can’t find an hour to put in at the gym, doesn’t mean I should be giving up on excersizing altogether. After all, some much-needed exercise will result in an energy boost. And who doesn’t need that? Instead of stressing over not being able to excerise, squeeze it in when you can. Even if it means having a dance party when you are making dinner!

3. Stop the Guilt. This is a really hard one. We are all prone to this one. And the worse part? It’s hard to stop the guilt circle –  you feel guilty about something and then you feel guilty for feeling guilty! That circle can wear a momma out both physically and mentally. We all need to keep reminding ourselves that we are doing the best we can. No one is perfect.

4. Don’t Live in Your Own Mom’s Shadow. Another toughie. It’s hard not to compare ourselves to our mothers, whether they were June Cleaver or Roseanne. If you had the perfect mom, you will most definitely feel the pressure to be just like her and may find that you aren’t measuring up. If your mom was less than stellar, you may carry around the fear that you might be just like her. Either way, that’s a lot of pressure on your mom shoulders.

5. Hear What Your Kids Are Saying. No, I mean really hear your kids. Listening effectively  is a key component to being the mom you want to be. That may mean that we have to bite our tongues or just let them talk it out rather than jumping in with a solution. Other times it means you need to be proactive and solve the problem. Whatever the case may be, when you really listen to your kids, you are showing them that you care and are there for them.

How do you become the mom you want to be?

Read more of our parenting posts! Check out Bring More Joy Into Your LifeHow Becoming a Parent Changes Your Life, and The Worst Parenting Advice We’ve Heard about Parenting

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  1. I think all of us moms feel at some point we’re just failing at this thing called motherhood, and we definitely need to support and encourage each other. Thanks so much for this reminders and your encouragement, have a great day 🙂

  2. These are all great points and something us moms need to follow. I like your point about doing what you need to do. Sometimes I feel a bit like the bad mom when I leave my daughter to play in her playroom for a mere five minutes–maybe for a bathroom break, maybe to scarf down a sandwich for lunch–but you’re right: we’re only doing what we need to do. At the end of the day, we are mothers and we need to take care of ourselves first before others. Otherwise, we become unwell, and then what? Everything just falls to the wayside. It’s a hard concept, I agree. But something we all need to strive and work on. Thanks for such an inspiring post!

  3. Very good points. It is such a battle for me not to compare myself to my own mother AND other moms around me! I just need to do the best I can and pray that God gives me wisdom to raise our little ones every day – I need it!

    Exercise is such a great help for mommyhood! Like you said, even if you can’t get to the gym for an hour, just fit it in when you can. Even squats at the sink while doing dishes count as exercise or taking a break for jumping jacks while doing a puzzle with your little one 🙂 Motherhood sure makes you get creative with your time!

  4. Great points! It is so hard to not compare yourself the the “perfect” mother and I think that we all do it! But I think even those mothers that we think are “perfect” feel just like us! I am really trying to work on listening to what I say to my kids, because so many times I catch myself speaking from a place of frustration and exhaustion. Thanks for the wonderful post!

  5. Visiting from Mommy Moments. #2 is a good one (they’re all good). I realized after baby #4 that I was putting off working out until I had a full hour to change, do a full workout video, etc. Well, you can guess how often that happens. So instead I just started doing like a 10-minute routine in my PJs when I had a little time, every day. Just some jumping jacks and pushups and stuff I remembered from my mom’s aerobic videos from when I was a kid. It made a difference and made me feel better. And I got to stay in my PJs!

  6. These are all great tips, especially #5. I have to really force myself to focus sometimes because it’s so easy to be distracted when the kids are trying to tell me something. Thank you so much for sharing this post at the “That’s How We Roll Thursday” link party.

  7. Your right on the button! Number one is my favorite we live in such a judgement world as mothers, and you just have to ignore them. Everybody has something to say no matter what you are doing it is to bad that it is that way.

  8. If we focused less on pointing fingers at one another and more on our own parenting, we could conquer the world!! I just wrote about being an effective parent on my personal blog,

    This is such an important topic! No one is perfect, as long as we get up and try our best tomorrow, that’s all that can be expected of us.

  9. These are great tips. It’s all about being the mom I want to be. Not what anyone else thinks. It’s what works for me and my family.

    Thank you for sharing at the #SHINEBlogHop!

  10. Love this! Thank you for sharing. I am sharing on my Google+ and Twitter tomorrow for everyone to check out this awesomeness. As moms, I think we need to remember all these things, every single day. And yet, we always forget, huh!? annndddd….exercise. sigh. the hardest one for me. 😉

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  12. I think this is great advice. I especially like # 2 exercise when you can. You are absolutely right, instead of not exercising at all, do it when I can, how I can. I’m going to start looking at it that way. Thank so much for this terrific encouragement. Blessings to you.

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