On Moving Forward

Working in the social media space and online community has its ups and it, most definitely, has it downs. After you jump through the hurdles of getting your grounding and creating your presence, a new hurdle pops up.

Trolls. Bullies. People that want to tear you down.

And I’m not talking about the anonymous ones. The faceless people hiding behind their computer screens.

I’m talking about the ones that are your colleagues and “friends.” The same people that give you a thumbs up on your posts are the same people that behind the scenes are hoping that you fail. That you fall flat on your face.

Blogging used to be about community and building each other up. But we all know what happens when you throw a bunch of women in a room. It’s not pretty. And I will be the first to admit that I have gotten caught up in the drama.

But that doesn’t make it right.

At the end of the day, there is enough space for everyone in this industry. It doesn’t have to be a blood bath. It doesn’t have to be war.

It doesn’t have to be anything.

I have seen time and again, friends afraid to ask their peers questions, whether out of fear it would be taken the wrong way, someone would think they are poaching a client, or that they wouldn’t get a response at all. People are still guarded in this industry.

But, perhaps, they are guarded for the wrong reasons.

Why are you so afraid someone is going to take something from you? Is it because this industry is still in it’s Wild West stage? That there aren’t any clear cut rules or boundaries.

Or is this just how people are?

This isn’t just a blogging problem. This can be found in almost any industry. What sets it apart in the blogging world is the promise of a new frontier. A land where everyone is about holding each other up, except when they’re not. Is it a utopian land that could never exisit? Possibly. But it sure is nice to dream, isn’t it?

I have seen first hand common courtesy go right out the window. Professionalism? What’s that? We work so hard for people to see what we are doing as a “real” job. To take us seriously. All while in the background, there’s a neverending race going on.

The race for the top is about who you can use and step on to get there. Not, who you can extend a hand to to help you climb that quote unquote ladder. The race is peppered with back handed compliments, fake happiness, and, all too often, back-stabbing.

But there’s always going to be someone who thinks you’re too young or too old. Have too many kids or don’t have enough. Too pretty or too ugly. Don’t have enough experience or are overly qualified. Too thin or too fat.  You can’t make everyone happy. It’s just not possible.

When you are busy worrying about these things, you get derailed. You get off track. You get caught up in the drama and find yourself playing high school games. You struggle with trying to be who you think people want you to be rather than who you think you should be. You find yourself unhappy. The exact opposite of what you were going for when you started this new venture.

There are many things that drive this. The need to be successful. The fear of missing out. Ultra-competitiveness. Insecurities. Wanting to fit in. Some people are simply a bad egg. You’re never gonna change their way of thinking. Don’t even try.

Now, I am not saying everyone is bad. There are some really great communities out there. People who really do want to help others. That truly are about building people up. Sadly, those bad eggs cloud that waters and make navigating this space murky. It makes people skeptical. These supportive communities you hear about always seem too good to be true.

You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You have to get to the point where you will no longer sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. You have to grab the other shoe, place your feet firmly on the ground, pick your head up, and move forward.

It won’t be easy. There will always be an internal and, sometimes, external struggle. It won’t feel good all the time. But you have to continue to move forward no matter how hard it feels. You have to get back on the path that will lead you to who you are and who you want to be.

You may be moving forward alone.

Or, if you are lucky, you find yourself moving forward with a tribe who are all headed in the same direction. For the same goal. For the right reasons.

In the cloudy waters, the good people will rise to the surface. You just have to find them. They are looking for you.

And when you do, don’t look back.

And keep moving forward.

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18 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing this beautiful friend, good for you for moving forward. You are an incredible person, and one of the kindest & most-genuine people I’ve met. I thank you for being on the “supportive” end of the spectrum and say while what you wrote is absolutely heartbreaking and sadly true – you will rise above.

  2. I’m sad for whatever it was that led you to write this post, but you did so eloquently and beautifully.

  5. Great post Stephanie!
    My sister and I were talking about this topic a few days ago. It’s a mess! There is room at the table for everyone and for those who want more than their fair share, nuts to them.

  6. I really like you so much! It makes me sad that someone has hurt you. You wrote about it so well. Move forward with confidence that you are an awesome and capable professional! <3

  7. Ditto what Jessica said. I’ve always lived by ‘a rising tide lifts all boats’ but unfortunately not everyone feels that way. Hope your ‘boat’ is lifted soon, there’s plenty of wonderful people out there looking to connect and rise together!

  8. I loved hanging out with you last year when you were in Milwaukee and will be forever grateful for the time you took to sit with me and answer my questions. You are ALWAYS one of the good eggs and I hope you don’t ever let anyone try to tell you otherwise!

  11. There really is great community to be found online and I’ve made some true friends from it. But there have also been times when the same people are all “yay, you!” to my face are getting together to ask “why HER?” behind my back.

    I’m sorry for whatever happened to you to make you write this and hope you know you do have a tribe to move forward with you.

  12. i would disagree with the sentiment that there is room for everyone. there isn’t room for everyone. specifically bullies, assholes, snobs, elitists, racists, fakes, and backstabbers. you can’t sit with us.

  13. We need to surround ourselves with individuals that bring us up NOT tear us down. So sorry for whatever happened but with every hurt comes enlightenment which makes for a stronger person. Love that you wrote about this because so many of us are thinking the same thing but cannot put it into words as well as you just did. xoxo

  14. It’s unfortunate that there are people who take and take and take with not an ounce of gratitude. Only to allow other people in their lives to speak for them instead of them speaking up for themselves. So often life’s heartaches can be prevented when people just learn to communicate their honest feelings and concerns.

    I know I personally can look in the mirror at night and admit my wrong doings and over-reactions. I have never had a problem being able to say I screwed up. But I do have a problem when people take advantage of me. In my career shift years ago I came into this looking for friendships. I was lost. Broken. Feeling betrayed in my personal life that I needed a friend or friends. FEMALE FRIENDS. I had no interest in making a career out of this.

    Then in 2010 I completely lost it and ended up in a ranch talking to cattle & crying in the rain. I thought I finally figured it out. I was ready to accept life on life’s terms. Only to return to people who I thought were ‘friends’ spreading rumors that were false. Ok, got over that turture even after the guilty parties years later admitted they were going through their own struggle and it took their guilt off themselves. Ouch. That’s a hefty price I had to pay for someone else’s misery. I survived and thrived though.

    Some of these so called ‘friends’ tried to get me fired, only for me to surface and competitively kick their asses to the point of them moving to another freaking state because the karma killed them…I think we both know who I’m talking about there.

    There have been ‘friends’ who have gone as far as even to steal from me only for me to allow them to continue to do it because I didn’t want them to do without. Again. My problem? Sure. But I don’t regret having that person in my life. Not even after a 3rd party with a bigger mouth & bigger misery made it their mission to make the situation 100x worse than what it really should have been….

    The only thing I can do is wake up in the morning and focus on what is my right. Or in some cases. My right now.

    I don’t really know you anymore, Stephanie.. especially since we haven’t talked since we laughed so hard in Ocean City from making silly videos while our kids sleeping. lol. Gotta admit. That was funny.

    But one thing I do know about you, Stephanie Glover – no matter what is going on or has gone on – I will never ever say that you aren’t an incredible blogger. I’ve watched you grow into yourself & light up this lame blogging space. When I pondered their ignorance and ruthless slaughtering of each other, you continued to show more excitement about an industry than I have yet to ever see in another human being.

    “Keep moving forward.”

    As a person who has felt those feelings in your words above more often than not, I know that when I just stop…and let time move faster than my feelings…the darkness fades & I do see the light of day again. And then there are glimmers of hope & new people come into your lives for all the right reasons.

    Happy Spring.

  15. I’m with Kelly on this one there aren’t room for jerks, and I’m sorry for what you are going through. I think we have all been there at some point, either with blogging or with a friendship. Here’s to moving forward.

  17. Awesome post, Steph! Unfortunately, people find it all too easy to hide behind their computer screens, with the CAPS lock on, taunting others and wreaking havoc with peoples emotions. And why? Often, because there is something deep inside themselves that they feel incredibly insecure about.
    I applaud you for recognizing that it is time to move forward past these people who plague us all in the online community. Blogging, message forums, etc. they are all amazing places to gain support and understanding. Unfortunately, they come with the risk of trolls and jackwagons who, like I said, are insecure in themselves when they see one of their peers doing really amazing things.
    I think we all need to take pause and reflect on how we treat one another, in person and online. It speak volumes to our own character, and is truly what we should be concerned with rather than seeking to bring down others into our own inner anguish and misery.

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