Pour Your Heart Out: I’m Not Crazy, Right?

Every since I had E, I have been dealing with some heavy anxiety. I had it pretty under control but now that I am pregnant, the anxiety is back with a vengeance.

Since I am feeling pretty “normal,” I am convinced that there is something wrong with the baby. I should be enjoying the fact that I don’t have morning sickness and that I actually feel human.

But for some reason I just can’t.

I have myself prepared for bad news. I have myself prepared to hear the bad news. How I will react. What I’ll say and do.

This can’t be normal right?

I don’t remember having this much anxiety when I was pregnant with E. I didn’t have a care in the world. Maybe my brain is smarter this time. It knows what could happen. It knows the possibilities.

At my first OB appointment, my doctor wanted me to focus on keeping myself relaxed and calm. Let her worry about all the medical concerns. But I just can’t let them go. I had another appointment with the OB nurse last week and I was tempted to bring these things up. But it makes me feel silly and crazy at the same time.

Of course, I have been holding all of this anxiety in and I feel like I am about to explode. If I talk to the hubster about this, he’ll either tell me I am being ridiculous (which I know I am) or he’ll think I’m crazy. He already thinks I am tad bit crazy (hey who isn’t?) but we don’t need him taking me to Building 51 and committing me.

I keep trying to put these thoughts into the back of my mind. But they creep up when I am alone, usually at night when I am trying to fall asleep. This may explain why I can’t fall asleep at night.

I am hoping after our next ultrasound {next Friday!} the anxiety will calm down. If not, this maybe a conversation that I need to have with my OB.

Fess up, Mommas. I’m not crazy, right?

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