Pour Your Heart Out

I really debated on whether or not to post this. But then I read some amazing posts from some great bloggers who were willing to put it all out there. I decided to do the same.

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For a hot second, I was pregnant (as in less than 24 hours). I was 5 days late (and I am never late, right like rain!) and just feeling off. After the poking and prodding of friends, I took a pregnancy test. The line was faint but it was definitely there.

I was floored! Not something that we had planned just yet, but nonetheless excited.

I wasn’t 100% convinced so I took another test. Same thing: a faint line but you know the saying, “A line is a line.”

I was shocked, excited, and scared all at the same time. Like I said, not something we had planned for just now, but we would make it work. We always do.

I woke up overnight, not feeling right and sure enough, I was bleeding. Nothing major and could have been spotting. I was upset but tried not to think about it. As the day went on, it was still there and the cramping got worse. I consulted some “online” friends and they all seemed to think that I had a chemical pregnancy, meaning I was no longer pregnant. Was pregnant.

Cue all sorts of emotions and confusion. In a last ditch effort to try and understand what was going on, I called my doctor. God love her, she personally called me back. She agreed that it did sound like a chemical pregnancy, offered to see me if I wanted (I declined), and wished me luck next time!

To say that we are crushed is an understatement. For something we weren’t so sure we wanted right now, we are pretty disappointed.

I still have a lot of confusing emotions and I really don’t know what I am supposed to be feeling or should feel. Ever the optimist (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face) and trying to look on the bright side, we are now 100% certain that we are ready. We want this to happen sooner rather than later.