The Seven Wonders of Parenthood

Since becoming a parent, my eyes have seen many wonders. The Pyramids have nothing on these!

1. The Getting by on 3 hours of sleep: I don’t know how it’s possible. Before having children, if I had 3 hours of sleep, I would have been raving  lunatic. Now, with a little help of coffee, I can function, somewhat {ok maybe I am still a little bit of a raving lunatic}. It’s amazing how you just push yourself through the sleepies and keep on trucking. And, if you’re lucky, you can squeeze in a nap.

2. The Tornado: Picture it.  You just spent the better part of the morning cleaning the living room and putting away toys. Then in 2.5 seconds, the tornado destroys it all. It leaves no toy or book untouched. Instead of picking it all up again, you fall on the couch and wonder why you even did it in the first place.

3. The “How does she do it?”: Answer: She doesn’t. People will ask you a thousand times who you do it. And by do it they mean keep a house clean, feed the kids, do the laundry, cook the meals, have a life, and keep your sanity. Well, my friends, the answer to all of that is that it just doesn’t all get done. You can not maintain your sanity {or what little is left of it} and get it all done. But you can put on a brave facade and pretend that you do!

4. The “This Day will Never End, Oh Look at the Time”: Remember when you were in college and you used to will the clock to move so class would be over? Yeah, it’s kinda like that only time stands still and flies at the same time. One minute you are cleaning up the breakfast plates and the next thing you know you are plopping dinner on the table. As you stand there and wonder where the day went, you begin to remember everything that happened that day. There are moments in your day when you think that bedtime will never come and then, magically, it’s the next morning.

5. The Daycare Dropoff: Every parent dreads this {or is it just me?}. You are probably already running late and just want to drop them off and head to work. But then they give you the look: the “please don’t leave me here I want to stay with you” look. And your heart drops. You feel the guilt. You feel torn. You suck it up, give them a hug and kiss, and get the hell out of there before they see your tears. You know the best part? If you are lucky, you get to do it five times a week. Oh joy, oh fun.

6. The Christmas Morning Effect: You spend weeks, maybe months, preparing for Christmas morning. You stay up late Christmas Eve playing Santa and putting toys together. You go to bed way too late knowing that you are going to get woken up way too early buy an eager three year old. And it’s ok, just this one day. In a fury, he races down the stairs to see if Santa came and gasps as he sees the fruits of him being a good boy all year. And that face is the face that makes it all worth it.

7.  The “I want to kill you, now come give me a kiss”: One minute, you are ready to throw them out the window {figuratively not literally people}. Then, with the flash of a smile or a hug, you melt and you forget why you wanted to throw them out the window. Oh wait, there’s that urge again. “We do not sit on our brother. Oh you wanted to give him a hug? You are so sweet!” Lather, rinse, repeat.

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